is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize