Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
