So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
