If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I looked at my own cervix.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
