Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
