We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
