also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize