You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Jerry, you need to find god
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
