Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
