just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
