I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
