I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
