i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
