one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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