today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
