just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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