does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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