Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize