please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
