my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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