idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
