Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
