OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
