I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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