hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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