i barfeds in our rink
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
