There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
