Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
