atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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