Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
