so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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