Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
