i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I smell like Dick and happiness
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
