When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he fucked my hip out of place.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
