Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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