I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
