why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I die, sorry about rent.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
