So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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