Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
