the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
