Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
