She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
