if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
