Screwed.edu
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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