I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
