My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
