I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
