Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
