Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
