What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
