it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
