I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize