i love accidental penises.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize