I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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