Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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