She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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