Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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