yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
