I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
