My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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