I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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