I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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