Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
