I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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