so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
