i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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