this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
