Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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