So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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