did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
