found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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