I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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