Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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