I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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