I molested 6 butterflies tonight
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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