I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
